Gender discrimination (India)

Raised in an Indian middle-class household requires a woman to be tough, able-bodied, knowledgeable, beautiful, fair-skinned, intelligent, with innate ability to cook(not sure how), ability to nourish kids as well other family members, homely and modest. A female is put under a lot of scrutinizes based on her manoeuvre, appearance, skin complexion, way of talking, opinions, the way she walks, smiles, or laughs. Why should a girl or a woman be always conscious of what society thinks? Isn’t that something even a man should be thinking of? Is it wrong to have a life of her own? Let’s elucidate the details of how female or girl children are discriminated against in India in different ways. I am going to explore a fictional girl’s life story. Her name is Sree. I will start in chronological order from infant Sree being born, her youth, adulthood and will end with her death. Let’s assume that Sree dies of natural old age and not because of any other mental or physical health issues.

Female fortified rates are booming

Albeit hundreds of thousands of schemes being suggested, talked about or partially implemented by the Indian government, female feticide rates have been booming sporadically from the time unknown. When Sree was born, her parents were not happy. She was still thought of as a burden as it is in many parts of India; girl infants are condemned and killed after they are born. These killings are covered up by sadly their parents or others from their inner circle. If this isn’t barbarous, then the Pharaoh who insecurely sanctioned the murder of all male infants was a saint. What’s the difference between such sinisterly acts? If such people believed they could justify killing female infants as a necessity, believe me, Hitler also had his reasons to try to wipe out the Jewish of the world.

People commit horrendous crimes and always seem to provide a lame justification for their actions, which proposes serious problems with their mental health, but no one pays heed to such things unless it affects them directly or indirectly. We all have dark triads in our cerebrum system but some are talented enough to suppress such triads to overtake our senses while others give in. It all depends on the control a person has over his negative and positive side. As human beings, we display different shades of “us” to people according to our needs and situations. Don’t you agree? If you don’t, you’re probably lying. Not to me, but yourself.

Well, it’s a shame that a person would rob the life of a tiny human because of his rotten thoughts, insecurities, financial issues or family pressure. The worst part is not feeling empathy towards the victim, which makes the person more dangerous or in other words equal to a psychopath. What could be the driving force behind such aggression and actions of inhumanity? Money? Food? no parental feelings? Maybe…

But in my opinion, the solid answer must be Society. From the 1990s, a lot has changed in our lifestyles, way of thinking and behaviour but as humans, we have not progressed much in our traditional way of trying to please society. Human beings are generally a very social species and we need to have regular human contact. Society plays an important part in our lives, shaping the person we grow into and helps us to stay in contact so that we remain human. But it is also an open secret that society has not always been kind to people who seek it. It is not easy to fit in societies, especially for girls like Sree. In essence, people are not very forgiving when challenged against their traditions or dogmas, which they have believed and obeyed blindly over the years. Let’s first understand what a society is and what kind of power it holds over a person.

In definition, a Society is a group of people involved with each other through persistent relations, or a large social grouping sharing the same geographical or social territory, typically subject to the same political authority and dominant cultural expectations. When Sree is born, she must be accepted as a part of society because society plays an essential part in raising a child. It makes sure that the child is grown into a confident, strong and successful individual.

Sree’s Life

As Sree grows, her parents’ anxiousness intensifies with her and to keep her safe and protected, they lay some rules out for her to follow. Most of which are not to be questioned and are not flexible.

• When Sree is young, they expect her to be strong but soft-spoken
• While Sree’s brothers are allowed to roam around their neighbourhood, Sree is to remain close to her house.
• Sree is expected to be confident but submissive at most times.
• She should be creative but must not get ahead with her ideas without permission.
• From an early age, Sree is expected to master skills in various fields but not a boaster. 
• Sree must be flexible but should accept rigid and superstitious traditions, rituals and customs when demanded.
• Sree must be knowledgeable but she shouldn’t correct elders in her family if they’re wrong.
• Sree is scorned upon by her neighbours and society if she prefers to wear jeans or clothing similar to men’s.
• Yelling, screaming or messing up the house are considered inappropriate behaviour for a girl.
• Sree must play girl’s sport- board games. She must not ask for a cricket bat because she CAN’T play the sport. So it’s pointless to try.
• Sree cannot have a boy cut. Girls are supposed to love having long hair and braid them. 
• Sree isn’t allowed to play on the street roads because roads are meant to be played only by boys.

Now let’s have a quick peek into Sree’s brothers’ lives. They are almost the same age as Sree. Look at all the expectations of their parents and society from them:

• Sree’s brothers at this age are free to shout, yell, or jump the way they want to because boys have an inbuilt mechanism that allows them to be unruly and they are criticized if they don’t exhibit unruliness.
• They can roam around from an early age till they die; They are expected to go out as much as they want, as a boy sitting at home inferences some problems, like either he is going through stress or trouble which has to be addressed as quickly as possible.
• There is no restriction about their hair length.
• They are expected to have a huge appetite as stamina is needed for them to burn in running, shouting and whatnot.
• They can stay outside even after the sun sets because boys, in general, are equipped with a GPS which enables them to find their way back home and also they have been bestowed with night vision which enables them to see in the dark but unfortunately girls were not lucky enough to have such specialized favours from God.

Apart from these, a girl child is expected to learn house chores from an early age and is TOLD at every point of her life that “studies can take you only so far, learning house chores will help you in future as you are supposed to do only that after marriage”. What an indigenously crafted plan to mould your mind from an early age of innocence. This would sink in over the years so that the child would not look for the answer to the “The purpose of my life?” kind of question. But many are rather exacerbated by such mind moulding techniques and would just want to crush all these stereotypical thoughts.

What happens when she becomes an adult? Has she escaped the criticism? No. As Sree grows, more burden is placed on her. As a respectful woman, she becomes a puppet in the hands of her parents, husband and in-laws. Her adulthood flies away trying to escape from societal pressure, raising kids, pampering her in-laws and pleasing her husband. Even then, she isn’t at liberty to do as per her wishes. Sree puts herself at the bottom of her priority list and is more focused on ticking the first essential jobs. She never reaches the bottom of her list and has no time for self-pity. As Sree gets older, she reaches a stage where she is away from her children and in-laws. Now she has time for herself and finally learns she was a really good cricket player. Sree realizes in her 70s, that she is a great poet. She regrets not discovering these talents before. At the end of the day, little things make a huge difference in our lives. Learning a sport might take few hours off a week but those few hours could give you irreplaceable satisfaction. All Sree had to do was to put her priorities at least in the middle of the list. She could have done something better than regret. So moral of the story- Think about Sree’s life.

Life is not fair people say. Many experience the unfairness of life. Most embrace it as their destiny but only very few seek the means to change it. Only those rare ones are blessed with courage and zeal to turn the tables and become the master of their destiny. Examples of such relentless determination to succeed are shown by achievers such as Malala Yousafzai, Maya Angelou, Sojourner Truth, Rosa Parks, Marie Curie, Arati Saha, Mother Teresa, Indra Nooyi and Mary Kom.

Not every girl child becomes Malala or Marie curie. Every person has different aspirations, opinions and purposes in their lives. We, as parents must learn and acknowledge that we are not always correct. When Sree was born, her parents could have taken a different path in raising her. A girl child is not a burden, she is a blessing, so is a boy. Condemning a girl child is the same as condemning yourself as a parent. Instead of criticising Sree for her inabilities, her parents could have enrolled her in sports classes or any other classes she had an interest in. They should have aimed at making their daughter stronger, confident and capable. Every child-girl or boy has unique talents and capabilities. Our job as parents is first and foremost to take good care of and protect our children; secondly, it’s also our crucial duty to understand our children and find their capabilities. We must encourage our children to utilize their talents to the max. This is the unwritten rule that all parents must follow. It might be a very insignificant rule, but it could change lives around the world. It could give girls like Sree, a new and better life. Encouraging our children to use their potentials in the best possible way is the biggest gift that we could ever give our children. Society doesn’t cook food for us or our children. It’s a mere spectator that would ridicule our weaknesses. Why give society such chances? Make yourself and your kids robust and then the community and society would brag about you with pride. Never bow down to the pressures that the community or society puts you under. Slap it with the same force but with success and confidence, not with violence or aggression. A boy or a girl must not be criticised or condemned for being themselves, he or she must be taught to achieve their goals and objectives. Life is too short to be wasted on others’ needless judgments. Instead of using our energy on what others think, let’s use that wonderful energy of ours in facilitating a better future for ourselves, and become a great role model for our children.

This was a blog that I feel all parents should read. It’s time to take a pause and think about our choices in life and how those could affect ourselves and our dependants. Being said that, signing off.

Xoxo

Nazia